Interview – Part II

indians

AP Chuckles: And we’re back. Man that was a long bathroom break. Can I get you some water or Gatorade to rehydrate?

Me: Ha. No I’m good. So where were we?

AP Chuckles: Well I think I tried several times to go down the road to see what pitfalls and such you have encountered?

Me: Ah, kind of like when VH1 or whomever that was doing the Behind the Music to see how Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue fame OD’d and died but then rebounded from his own death to become an upstanding member of the community – albeit the community of strippers and such.

AP Chuckles: Well sort of. Do you have anything like that to share with your followers?

Me: I do have seven followers on Facebook. They can’t ever take that away from me unless they deactivate my account I suppose. Anyway, my demons! Hmmm. Where to start. First off I’ve never done any drugs aside from over the counter variety as prescribed by my personal physician or that really nasty grape cough syrup that tastes not a damn thing like grape or the necessary Excedrin for headaches. Also contrary to what anyone may think, I have never had a drinking problem. I have in the last few years been a bit more liberal with my consumption especially in social situations but nothing to where I woke up in a pool of chicken wing vomit in an alley somewhere.

AP Chuckles: Anything shocking that our listeners would not know?

Me: I sometimes listen to Taylor Swift without changing the radio station.

AP Chuckles: So where is the farthest place you have traveled to?

Me: Many people who know me would guess Cleveland since they know I’m a Cleveland Indians fan but that is not the farthest place I’ve been to presently. I’ve been to Sunset Beach, North Carolina and Denver, Colorado but those aren’t the answer either. I’ve been to Marcellus, New York – home of Anne Mallore, friend and famous author of a New Leash on Life. But it comes down to Tampa, Florida or Las Vegas, Nevada for the furthest I’ve traveled and I think that Vegas is a bit further so it wins.

AP Chuckles: Well this is a bit embarrassing but I need to step into a quick staff meeting but I will hand you off to my associate to handle a few more questions.

Me: Hi. I’m Scott pleased to meet you.

The Janitor: I’m the janitor.

Me: Are you kidding?

The Janitor: No. Pardon my wheezing, I’m trying to quit smoking.

Me: Sure. No. Problem.

The Janitor: I used to be a DJ on this station back in the 80’s when it was KHTR. (wheez) It was a Top 40 station. We played all the hottest records. (long wheez)

Me: It’s funny you should mention KHTR. My longtime friend Matt and I used to parody your station. We called it Music Free because of how many commercials you guys used to run instead of actual music.

The Janitor: I used to smoke 20 packs of cigarettes a day.

Me: Congratulations?

The Janitor: (wheez) I only have one lung.

Me: I think you are making me uncomfortable or is this a PSA to dissuade others from smoking?

The Janitor: Hey, this is still good. I just found my lunch.

Me: You are going to eat that sandwich you found in the trash?

The Janitor: Why not? There’s no pencil shavings on it.

Me: OK. Happy digestion to you.

AP Chuckles: Hi I’m back. Sorry about that.

The Janitor: I’ve gotta go. Code Brown. (wheez) Someone clogged two toilets on the third floor.

AP Chuckles: So Scott, I hear you play some softball. What is your jersey number and how many softball games have you played in your softball career?

Me: My number is 33. It was actually truncated from 33 1/3 due to space on the back of my first jersey with the Lager Sluggers in 2004 when I was discovered if you will via an online softball forum for players. As far as how many games I’ve played that would be a very vague guess. I probably played roughly 150 games a year on average since 2004. So I would guess in the neighborhood of 1700 games.

AP Chuckles: Are you good enough to be a professional softball player?

Me: Ha! Hardly. I do have my nickname on a Miken bat, The Freak. But aside from that coincidence no I am not six foot plus tall and 250 pounds nor am I ridiculously fast or all that consistent. I do occasionally wear a flatbill cap and I have hit a ball over the left field wall at GCS Ballpark in Sauget, Illinois in a fundraiser tournament with snow on the field. Other than that the closest I have come to professional softball is several years ago at BMAC in Bridgeton. It’s a softball / baseball facility where some of the major tourney teams traveled in for basically an exhibition. Local teams were allowed to participate – at their own risk. We played against Rusty Bumgardner’s team and lost in a mercy ruled contest 44-4. Longest softball game I’ve ever played.

AP Chuckles: OK time to pay some more bills but we’ll be right back here at W-H-A-T radio!

Tomorrow we pick up Part III and final installment of this interview. Same bat channel. Word.

 

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