Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Today I welcome Andy from AMA Amazing Lawn Care to tell us a little about his fantastic lawn and handyman services available to the public.
Andy: Thanks for having me. Which way should I face for the camera?
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Easy there, this is a dialogue piece but I do appreciate you spending the extra green backs to have your hair done up in the fauxhawk for me. So Andy, there are probably literally a million lawn services world wide, what sets your service apart?
Andy: First off, we aren’t global. We mainly cater to the greater St Louis Metro area. We offer primarily lawn maintenance services such as mowing, mulching, landscaping, edging, tree trimming, leaf removal, patio construction and irrigation installation to name a few.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Kind of limiting your potential customer base by limiting yourself to just the St Louis Area aren’t you?
Andy: Well…It’s just me and a couple of buddies from high school so we have limited resources when it comes to manpower.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: That is an impressive list of services you offer.
Andy: Thanks. We offer more and are open to other services that fall into that type of work that the everyday person may not have time for or just are uncomfortable with doing themselves.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Do you film your work while on the homeowner’s property? Or sing while you work?
Andy: Not usually. We may take a picture or two with our cell phones if something looks like it might present well for a brochure or our Facebook page.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: So have you had to kill any animals while in the midst of a job? You know like a cobra or a rabid raccoon?
Andy: (laughs) Um, no. Just maybe swatted some mosquitoes or horse flies from time to time.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: So you mentioned your team. What are their names and how long have each of you been doing this type of work?
Andy: Well, I, myself have been doing handyman and lawn care for over 3 years. My buddy Andrew has been helping me on various projects for the last 6 or 7 months and Montee helps on the larger jobs – mostly on weekends as he works full time at a local chemical production company.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: If you would’ve called yourself The Amazing Lawn Care – then you could’ve made the acronym TALC. You know like SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus?
Andy: Sure I guess. We just wanted something that sounded impressive and professional like our work.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: So do you bring a Porta-Potty with you to the job site or can homeowners be expected to let you in all sweaty and covered in dirt to unload in their bathroom or do you and your crew just relieve yourselves in public?
Andy: Um. Typically we do not bring a Porta-Potty to the site because of limited appropriate space to set one up. We usually communicate in advance to the homeowner in the event we need to use an in-house restroom and if that is OK with them. If not we would leave the job site and find a local restaurant or gas station to utilize.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: If the homeowner agrees to let you use their bathroom, do you have sign a waiver to pee sitting down?
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Do you pee sitting down?
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: So owner beware and sanitize after your crew hoses down the toilet seat like an open trough at the local bar?
Andy: (blank stare)
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: So Andy, what is the most ‘amazing’ job you and you crew have accomplished?
Andy: Well, we changed over an old flower garden to a walk out seating area patio with arched flower trellises and also made a circular bench on three sides of a stone fire pit. Took three days and the pictures of the before and after are up on our Instagram site.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Sweet. Do you put up Christmas lights?
Andy: In the off-season we do branch out into non-lawn care jobs. Christmas or holiday lights are one such service we have provided.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: What about in July?
Andy: Putting up Christmas lights in July?
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Yes?
Andy: Not so far.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Interesting. So dish a little dirt here. Have any of your customers ever gotten belligerently drunk with you or your crew? Or yelled racial slurs at you to try to get out of paying? Or good-naturedly shot at you with a BB gun while singing the early career songs of Madonna?
Andy: Are you serious right now?
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Avoiding the questions I see.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: I am sensing you getting a bit tense so let’s lighten things up a bit. Which Transformers movie is your favorite and which franchise do you enjoy more: Transformers or Jurassic Park? Jurassic World is coming out the week before my birthday in case you were not aware.
Andy: I think we are done here.
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: I would like to thank Andy for joining us today. I will decline to shake his hand because I’m not sure if he washed his hands after using the restroom here earlier.
Andy: (throws down microphone clip and walks off)
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Remember if you need Amazing Lawn Care don’t do it yourself call or find them on Facebook.
Andy: (yells explicative)
Alfredo Pedro Chuckles: Oh and apparently they also remove fecal matter too! Good day readers!