Flu Shots

Hello! Is it me you’re looking for?

Why yes, Lionel Richie I have been looking for you. But to quote the band U2, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.

With some silly shenanigans dispensed with, let’s talk about flu shots. Do you get them? How many times have you gotten them? Do you look down on people who do not get them? Are you secretly organizing a movement to ostracize people who do not get the flu shot (free or otherwise)? Let’s put all of our Uno cards on the table and make this interesting.

The reason I bring flu shots up is because my work is offering free flu shots. Actually in recent years, most of my employers have either offered a free flu shot or a reduced cost version to their employees on site. To date, I have never accepted this offer of mass produced safeguard. Why is that? My stock response: what for? Last time I have checked, I have been in existence (this time around) for 4.5 decades. As of today, zero flu shots for me. And to my recollection, I have not died. More to the point, in recent years I have rarely contracted the flu; even though it seems like everyone around me usually does – even the ones who get said flu shot. That is interesting don’t you think?

I mention this because it seems like every year when the flu shots are made available and peers ask if I’m getting one and I respond that I am not, they look at me like I just said “Madonna should really run for president of the United States next time around”. The only thing I could think to do to up the perplexed look factor for other would be to write on my hand, “Need a beef Jolly Rancher flavor” and repeatedly point to my hand. The disbelief and condescension in those looks is priceless when I acknowledge declining the Holy Grail of wellness maintenance. What? I don’t want this tiny injection of mystery goo that may or may not work with my immune system? Oh the madness! My ignorance! Somewhere the Umbrella Corporation powers that be are chuckling evilly and slowly rubbing their virtual palms together.

Now if there was an anti-Noro Virus shot…I would be first in line for that every time. That affliction was uber-nasty and I would never like to experience that again. But for the most part, me and the flu, we don’t really have too many issues. Also if there was a shot to prevent a season’s worth of headaches, I would do that one too. But for now, someone else is welcome to take my dose of the T-virus, uh I mean flu shot for me.

Is it just me or does it seem like flu shots seem to fall into ‘that’ category along with talking politics or religion? If you don’t want to offend some, you just don’t do it (talk about it). So I will take my own advice henceforth and not talk about Flu Shot Fight Club. I think if my life was made into a movie, Hollywood would cast SpongeBob to play me. Aim high! Who plays softball all over the sea: SpongeScott Square Pants! Who is cool and amusing as can be: SpongeScott Square Pants!

Hope everyone out there is having a stress-free Thursday and let’s all convene soon to discuss multi-level marketing as a basis for ill-gotten wealth.

Peace!

<<09-21-2017>>

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