On-line Bulletin Board Ads

In the spirit of reading on-line Want Ads, Notices and Services Offered – I fabricated a few for entertainment value.

FOUND! A perfectly good leather office chair. It was slowly rolling down the street of the subdivision. I saved it before it rolled into the path of the garbage truck. No name tag or registration on the chair. Good working condition, comes with several feet in length of rope. There is a set of handcuffs (sorry, no key) attached to the hydraulic seat elevator. Chair is all black with some sticky reddish residue. Someone may have been eating raspberries or something similar in the chair as the residue is on the armrests, at top of the back of the chair and on the casters. Call or text if you think you know something about this chair (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

PHOTOGRAPHER AVAILABLE! Photography and video services available for public functions or more intimate settings. Can do large events like weddings or smaller at home happenings. Have an extensive inventory of lens and filters to capture the right lighting or give that special effect. Can even shoot in ‘low-light’ or use infrared if needed. Reasonable rates and repeat business is appreciated. Payment can be rendered in cash, check, Paypal or service trade. Will be relocating in 3-4 weeks for legal reasons so please book soon! Add us on Snapchat to view our latest client work! @SnapSnooperPix

$$$$ OPPORTUNITY $$$$ Do you have 21-22 hours a day to dedicate to your future and love to sleep? Well read on! Start-up company with huge exponential growth curve is coming to (regional specific area per publication, remove bracketed words with actual specific city)! This is your lucky day! Soon you will be able to buy extravagant housewares and other applicable material things that will cause your peers and extended family members to be envious! While you sleep away your days, random moving trucks will arrive and bestow upon your household all these very valuable things for your personal consumption! All you have to do is: accept six hundred non-traceable government checks per day, endorse them into your bank account and then funnel those funds to a designated agent in your region! What could be more simple? Once you have the system down, it takes 2-3 hours of your day. Then the rest of the time is yours to sleep and dream about your improved life to be! Participation is limited so register at: www.foreignprincewealthscamplus.com – and good luck!

EASTER PEEPS! If you are someone or knows someone who eats Easter Peeps – please read this!

Scientists have uncovered a direct link between Easter Peeps and the body’s primal response to produce noxious gas from the colon.  This gas has the potential to inflict brain damage on small children and pets. Do not ingest Easter Peeps if you have children under the age of 11 or pets within your household without first contacting your local fire protect unit for further instructions. Responsible Easter Peep consumption can be the difference between a Happy Easter Egg Hunt or having to flush Fluffy the Goldfish down the toilet. ** Please note: All other types of Peeps are still gross but not as lethal as Easter Peeps. Please eat responsibly and post Eating Peeps as your social media status to notify your friends and relatives how gross and disgusting you really are. *** Happy Easter ***

{{{{{ G-A-M-E-R-Z }}}}}  Game on! Do you own multiple generations of your gaming console? Can you rattle off the history of your favorite gaming franchises? Do your thumbs have the permanent imprints of the most used button combos? Have you maxxed out multiple on-line profile ID’s with your years-worth of virtual trophies? Have you memorized all the release dates for the biggest gaming titles coming in the next six months? Are you photophobic from years of rejecting the outside world in favor of countless digital universes? Do you know what all the top rated games are by platform for the last decade? Have you worn out professional gaming chairs from prolonged use? Do others consult you for tips and cheats for popular games? Does your vision blur from hours of repetitive play? Do you start on-line arguments about which classic characters from the original Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) are the best? If you completed all the levels by answering Yes to each of these questions, please read on! We want you to turn off the gaming console currently in use. Go upstairs from the basement. Take a shower for the first time this week. Walk outside and stay there for two full minutes. Then go back to what you were doing. This has been our PSA to help improve Gamer’s Health – two minutes at a time. Game back on!

OK so hopefully none of these were real but you could kind of see how they really could be. Have a great day and we’ll meet back here soon for more shenanigans!

 

Peace.

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