Ninja Car Protector

jam

Good morning! This morning as I was rolling into work and decided to record my second podcast this week (https://scottlatta.podbean.com/e/sep-20-2018-60/). The main focus of the podcast was me addressing the horrendous traffic that we have been experiencing here lately in the St Louis area. My morning and evening commutes on a ‘normal’ day will usually take about 35 minutes each (roughly guestimating an average). But this week has been traffic ghastly. Auto accidents and stalled cars have been raining from the heavens it seems…without there actually being any physical rain to blame. Adding together my morning commute and evening commute from yesterday, my total drive time was in excess of three hours – easily more than doubling the norm for those combined drive times. Continue reading “Ninja Car Protector”

May the 4th…

Stop right there. I know mentally there are some of you already gearing up your Star Wars references. I’ve been on Facebook and Twitter since early this morning so the bombardment has only grown in momentum. But if you must, go ahead and sling about your Star Wars forced fourth references.

Continue reading “May the 4th…”

Customer Service…or not

Hello and Merry one week until Christmas (Monday to Monday).

Today I have had two encounters with two different companies for issues that required engaging these companies’ customer service departments. The first one, after a 23 day wait and second impatient Tweet, resulted in the desired outcome to replace my damaged iPad from last month’s flight to Atlanta. The second interaction was not as successful, even though this bout of customer service is on its sixth e-mail response on top of a verbal call that came while standing in the TV room of a tire replacement business. Continue reading “Customer Service…or not”

11-22

Good morning.

If you see 11-22 above, you may be doing some quick math. If you came up with -11 as the answer I will give partial credit. Really I was going for the short date of 11-22-2017 or November 22, 2017. But much in today’s society is boiled down to the minimal so it may be digested with speed and then we are on to the next inane thing. (After re-reading this my mind almost read the sentence beginning as butt munch). Continue reading “11-22”

Hump Day Alphabet Soup

Some days we just have ‘those days’. Ya know what I mean?

Take today for example. For some reason the universe gave me the letters: C R B. I’ve had much worse, trust me. But when the universe speaks to you in the rich, powerful voice of James Earl Jones, you roll with it.

So with C R B already in the hopper and with it left completely up to me to provide the vowel or vowels, I will choose to curb my enthusiasm for the moment. I could crab about the humidity and how it makes my hair all frizzy and puffy. In my snack bag there were some carb options and I’m eating those with vigor. If there was a man-sized crib nearby, I would gladly hop in for a mid-morning nap. Rest assured I will not wear a crop top and expose my fish-belly whiteness. Wait, that was a P not a B. That’s no Bueno. For my final word usage in the C R B format, where the rules clearly state that you may not scramble these consonants and the first and last consonants must remain in their current order, I was going to cleverly throw out descriptions of a certain corb within my office building. But then that would probably entail me explaining the second, lesser known, definition of corb or run the risk of confusing people who are highly acquainted with the primary definition of corb, so scratch that.

To each and every one out there, I mildly implore you to take what each day gives you and make the best of it and if necessary, stretch the boundaries to make that little something extra happen.

Peace.

** Please note that Webster’s Dictionary recognizes the existence of the word known as ‘corb’. However, http://www.dictionary.com does not. (shoulder shrug)

<<09-27-2017>>

Pet Peeve

Greetings Humpers! (It’s Hump Day)

I know I have mentioned this before but I’m going to mention it again. One of my pet peeves is people who back into a parking space. Make no mistake, I’m not talking about people who are parallel parking or people who ‘pull through’ back to back spaces to have their front end ready to pull out when they leave. I am specifically calling out those pretentious people who take like six minutes to pull past a spot, then back up with excruciating slowness into a spot. Most of the time it takes them a couple of tries to get aligned right or judge the correct depth of the space in relation to the length of their vehicle. I don’t care who you are, you are a wank. Because most of the time it takes too long and then the person is either crooked or didn’t back up far enough and the front end of their vehicle is askew or jutting out into the area for traffic to drive by. Just pull into the damn spot ‘nose’ first and back out like the rest of us!

Rant over…
(Mic drop)

OK for no other reason than I mentioned him on the Sports Stalkers podcast the other night, here is Ronnie Milsap’s website. (www.ronniemilsap.com) For the record (ha, see what I did there?) he is still alive and you can get all 21 of his albums for a special price right now…

Peace.

<<07-26-2017>>

Friday Press Conference

I would like to thank all of you for attending today’s press briefing. The normal amount of press credentials were issued but I anticipate a world wide presence for the forthcoming words.

Mark your calendars in your smartphones and mentally remember where you were and the exact time as you read what came next…

My 45th birthday is happening in three weeks.

Stop the presses. If you need to pull off to the side of the road for a bit to let your breathing return to normal please do so. Safety first. Many of you may be in shock. Yes I do have an annual birthday. It’s not registered (yet) with the library of congress or anything  along those lines but it’s real. It’s damn real!

Now Robert “Red” Hulseman may not be here to offer a drink in his company’s signature red Solo Cup, but I think he may have had the futuristic foresight of June 23, 2017 in mind when he originated his company in his garage in 1936. He’s not around anymore so he can neither confirm nor deny this educated guess on my part. And for the record, he may not have been nicknamed “Red”. I just thought that would be a cool way to tie in his persona since the famous cup is red and referenced way more than any other colors in their collection. While we are on the subject, how many successful companies have been spawned in a garage? Solo Cup, Apple and others. Maybe this ‘ah-ha’ moment will cause a shift in the housing market. What am I talking about? Think for a second about would be homeowners who also have an entrepreneurial ambition. Will they shy away from housing options that only offer a carport or on-street parking as opposed to the ones with a garage? Because, coming from a very limited perspective here, this seems to be where the creative and successful magic happens. Housing and real estate people take notice. If you have carport properties in your inventory, perhaps you should have them demo’d (demolished) to flow with the proprietary needs of your potential customers. Just Saying.

For those keeping track, we are looking at about 53 weeks until the release of Jurassic World 2 in theaters. For those of you who are a little more impatient and don’t like that timeline, you can focus on something a little closer…like the next Star Wars episode which is only 28 weeks away.

As some of you anxiously hop from one foot to the other in anticipation of these upcoming features, I am sending out a general positive vibe on this Friday that you may enjoy happiness, success and good health.

Peace.

Topical or not topical

Good day greetings with a wave of webbed fingers as we here in Missouri are adapting and evolving with the existing weather pattern.

As I set out on writing each post I try to mentally categorize the piece as topical or non-topical. When writing about an exotic vegetable or fruit eating experience, that is non-topical because that can be read 365 days per year and it could be relevant information if they (the reader) are considering eating those items. If I am talking about the week’s weather, a winning streak in baseball, the Powerball numbers or the hockey playoffs, those topics tend to skew towards topical in flavor. Because depending on the time of the year, those happenings or circumstances may not overlay onto the reader’s seasonal experience.

If I write about today’s cold and dreary weather here in (Barnhart) on May the 4th (May The Fourth Be With You…for the Star Wars geeks) and my reader comes across the piece in July or August, the reading experience may not keep them engaged until the end. Don’t get me wrong, I do kind of like to timeline my posts here and there so if I go back and read them I can mentally be like, oh yeah I vaguely recall that timeframe. But for every two or three of those I like to construct a piece with some legs that can be read and make my reader see a well thought out point or maybe just something funny and fluffy to brighten their day.

Today I would like to debut an original song, let’s call it The Weather Song as it is just a working title.

Mother Nature, why are you crying your angry tears?
Seems like this happens on the odd numbered years
Traffic’s a bitch and the ground’s all muddy
At least the rain is clear and not all bloody
(3 minute guitar solo)
The grass and trees are getting so very green
Only the rooftop of Queen of Hearts can be seen
So clear your skies and schedule an Uber
Maybe we all wont get tuber…culosis
(2.5 minute xylophone solo)
Your wrath is epic and your wind so blowy
Let’s unclog and get them rivers all flowy
Rain, rain, rain, rain rain, rain, rain
Just go the Hell away, far away, stupid rain!
(1 minute of un-rhythmic humming)
<<<END SONG>>>

Thank you, thank you. It should be up on iTunes sometime this century.

Have a stimulated and amused day my friends.

Peace.

Potential

Talk about a word that spans the whole spectrum of all. Potential can be a positive thing or the gateway to the Sith ruling the universe unopposed.

Good day, good cheer and hopefully good weather in your geographical location. Today is one of the more beloved days of the week, namely Friday. Granted some people may change their favorite day or days on a week by week basis, but for the most part the majority of the masses appreciate Friday as a top 3 day of the week. Friday often times means a payday for some (not me anymore). Friday is often the closing of the work week and the beginning of ‘the weekend’ (yes, I fall into this category). I’m sure that out there somewhere, there are people who loathe Friday and have documented reasons why this it is legit for them to feel so. But different strokes for different folks…although, not for Gary Coleman since 2010 (What you talkin bout Scott?). Nor for Dana Plato since 1999. None for Conrad Bain since 2013. And finally, excluding Charlotte Rae and Todd Bridges…not because they are bench-pressing daisies but just because I’m sure they have better things to do than loathe on a day of the week.

Before I veer too far off course, let’s re-route to the topic mentioned above. Potential. What does it make you think of: Children? Athletes? Financial gain? Risks? Work load? An idea? There are so many different avenues that word can drive you down. Let’s say your child paints or colors a picture…he has the potential to become an artist. If you get your pet ‘fixed’ they have the potential to get fat. You run over a pothole in your car and there is the potential for a flat tire, damaged shocks/struts or loosening of nuts and bolts that hold vital pieces together. If you buy a lotto ticket, you could potentially become instantly wealthy. If your team is playing in a tournament, there is the potential for them to win it…or horribly lose and embarrass you amongst your friends.

The point is, with every single day there is the potential for good and bad and maybe evil. I could potentially be mauled by a mass transit bus on the way to work or have a jet engine fall on me from the heavens and that would be the period on my sentence. Or something seemingly insignificant from the past could potentially spark someone to reach out and offer an opportunity to travel or do something fun. Every day has a level potential. Even an inmate in prison serving a life sentence wakes up every morning and there is potential. Perhaps it’s just the potential to get shanked, so not every situation is a stroll on the beach. Sure you can hide under a blanket in your home and hope that time passes and nothing changes. But even passing on those opportunities, you still have the potential to develop an irrational fear of couch cushions or blankets or thinking about how many shades of grey actually do exist. Even sub-shades of grey.

So embrace your day and maybe that thing you really want but haven’t admitted to anyone in the harsh light of day, will come about. There is also the strong possibility (potential) that you will roll your eyes and perhaps flip me the bird for saying such things. I’m willing to put it out there to find out.

Peace and Friday y’all!

Childhood and Playing Games (Board, not Bored)

Evening gents and gentle ladies.

With Christmas slipping farther into the review mirror, I think it’s high time we start turning our attention to softball! Just kidding, although that time will be here sooner than we think.

With all the wrappings unwrapped and the hoard of prizes claimed from Santa (or other good-natured giving souls), some of us might see some gifts in the form of games of the non-electronic versions. Whether we be talking about Clue or Monopoly or Stratego or The Game of Life or what have you; board games are a great bonding experience between friends and family with the exception of Monopoly. Monopoly seems to forge a hard divide between some players who do not like the shrewd tactics employed by those who would be dominant kings and queens! But I digress…

cleveland_monopoly

Growing up in the latter part of the 1970’s and early 1980’s, one of my fondest memories was playing a particular board game with my mom. This vintage game had dice and your player pieces were simple marbles. But what made this game fun and interesting (at least for me) was the formed plastic game board depicting mountains winding along the Billionaire River. On the game board, you trekked through the mountains and down into Death Valley. Your ‘moves’ were measured by the numbers on the dice and in turn, small recessed circles were part of the plastic molded terrain. The marbles would either rest in these recessed circles or slide along them depending upon the more treacherous terrain and pitfalls you were navigating through. My favorite part of the game was near the end. At the very end was a spot that was labeled Uranium Strike with an indented “winner’s” circle. But directly before this circle of winning was three slide spots. If your roll landed you on/in one of these…you would slide into Dead Man Gulch (oh no, your marble died!!). If this happened you had to take another marble and begin your quest for a Uranium Strike anew. If you exhausted all four of your marbles, then you were dead and out of the game. The name of the game was Billionaire (Strike) and it was originally manufactured in 1956. My mom would have been 8 years old when the game first came out. Talk about a time far, far away…

BILLIONAIRE GAME – 1956 EDITION

upright_bg

Now many of you are probably not impressed and that is OK. In addition to actually playing the game, I would take my tiny plastic dinosaurs and Star Wars figurines and develop pretend sagas of my own. Back in the day there was a show called Land of the Lost on regular TV. The Marshall family somehow got trapped back in time when there were dinosaurs and Sleestaks – which were odd lizard-like people. There was a board game for this as well but my family did not own it. So I improvised and made my own Land of the Lost game with dinos and the Star Wars people who were there instead of the Marshall family members. I had Luke, Han, Leia and Chewbacca. Somehow Darth Vader was controlling the dinosaurs and trying to get them to eat the ‘good guys’ – go figure.

sw_figs

I just found it amusing that seeing young Ayden’s new variety of board game choices made me take a trip down memory lane. Maybe you have a fond recollection of a particular game in your youth…perhaps not…but it’s just funny what associations can jog your memory of something that may not have happened for years and years gone by.  Many times the event or scenario you recall may not even be all that dynamic but for whatever reason that memory or set of memories stands out and it’s almost like you are that kid again. Can I get a Fruit Roll-Up please?

land-of-the-lost

Oh well, in about five hours it will be time to adult some more, so I best be wrapping things up and trying to get a couple of hours of sleep. If this is read within 2016, I wish you luck in the coming year (2017). If this item finds you after midnight on December 31, 2016…may your year still be prosperous (not preposterous) and may all the really cool remaining Hollywood types not perish as they did in droves in 2016.

Much good juju to you and yours.

Peace.

P.S. I know some of you may know the other incarnations of the Land of the Lost TV series as I think there was three different ones. The one I was using for reference in this piece ran from 1974 until 1977. Have a decent day!

lotl-1970

Star Wars and the oddities

Good day and may the silliness be with you.
Today the world lost The First Lady of Sci-Fi in Carrie Fisher. Princess Leia as she was known to our home planet has gone the way of Alderaan. She was here one minute and then the next it was as if a million voices cried out and then were silenced. Perhaps she has been reunited with the original Obi Wan Kenobi actor Alec Guinness who became one with The Force back in the year 2000. To my knowledge most of the core characters are still amongst the living unless you count Sebastian Shaw who passed in 1994…even though his role was shoe-horned in to make Darth Vader a three-headed monster counting the man who voiced him and the man who gave him his mannerisms.
sebastian_shaw
Maybe in the new films we will see some form of Isla Fisher but that may just be wishful thinking on my part. Now if some of you are reading this with trepidation that I may reveal some spoilers from the 8th movie…you can relax. I have not seen Rogue One as of yet so I am oblivious to the plot points. What I did want to do is give some Hmmmm thoughts. Because I am a goofball and tend to let my mind cross over the median instead of following that galactic two-lane hyper highway to wherever, let’s begin…
isla-fisher-cleavage
Darth Vader is easily the most recognizable character of the triple trilogy. His evil legacy is the stuff of   only the most elite legends. Whether you love him or hate him or (gulp) identify with him – he has some challenges of his own. For starters, look at his suit. How does the man drop a deuce? Is there a concealed back hatch like in the old-fashion long underwear where he can unlatch a couple of screws and a section swings up or out to the side to allow the excretion of excrement? And does he have natural free and easy bowel movements or does he have to ‘use the force’ to make his poo? If anyone is a candidate for IBS, I would think Lord Vader would be at the top of the list. The stresses of running an empire with an overbearing superior and grossly incompetent underlings that you literally want to strangle would be almost too much to bear. I can almost guarantee that he has to take some sort of fiber supplement to avoid being viciously irregular. As an amusing thought, how about when Darth crop dusts the control room? Come now, that has to smell like the very essence of the Dagobah swamps. Wooweee!
darth-vader-mph-beauty-shot-700x700
OK we will let the air clear on Anakin Skywalker’s alter ego and move on to give Chewbacca some love. Not literally though, kind of like on screen. How come all the main characters have moved on to make families of their own but Chewie is still flying solo in Wookieeville? The tall and silent type…you would think he would have a whole harem of Wookiee ladies vying for his furry affections. Unless…maybe there is something that he hides from the cameras. Maybe Chewie is so deep-rooted with vices that he cannot connect to another Wookiee. Perhaps Chewie has an anti-fur fetish and only takes hairless Wookiee ladies back to his privates quarters if you catch my drift. Sadly he could be caught up in a Sam Malone syndrome where he lusts for the hairless cat-like lady Wookiees only to become bored with them and casts them aside without being able to make any emotional connection. If only we could get an extra long therapist’s couch and a Kashyyyk translator to get to the bottom of this walking carpet’s psyche.

Now I may have ruffled some of the feathers of the terminally diehard fans who know that fictitious world better than they know their own. I could throw out that the planet Tatooine is a cold and ice covered planet but immediately a virtual hand would be held up. I would be chastised for confusing Tatooine with the ice planet Hoth. For this unforgivable transgression, I should be submerged in steaming Tauntaun guts. For of course Tatooine is a hot and waste-like desert planet and the complete opposite of the Hoth planet.
tauntaun_sleeping_bag
So to avoid exposing my surface knowledge of the movies without knowing the six degrees of Kevin Bacon facts about everything Star Wars, I will stick to being a goofball. I will point out that Star Wars is anti-family unit. Anakin doesn’t know who his dad is. His mom let’s him run off with complete strangers, granted it is to avoid being a slave but still. Luke hates his father and ultimately kills him. Kylo Ren and his daddy do not have a happy ending relationship. Just throwing this out there in case it escaped the viewers wanting to take their sons to go see these movies.
star-wars-7-the-force-awakens-kylo-ren1
With these movies set in the future and in space, you have to wonder: how is the WiFi up there? I know If I get more than 15 feet away from the house and the WiFi signal goes to Hell. So of all these transmissions through countless miles, how many messages actually are received? What happens to the ships if they run out of fuel or solar energy or whatever they run on? Do they just sit out there and hope someone gets their distress signal and that they don’t get plowed by someone whooshing along in hyper-space?
alderaan_fullpic
On the topic of technology, how about those thousands of identical looking stormtroopers and the equally identical looking TIE fighters? How the Hell do you staff a ship with all these guys who look the same? How do they remember where they parked? How would you develop any interpersonal relationships when everyone looks exactly the same? Where are the lady stormtroopers while we are at it? Their uniforms would have to be tailored a little differently to accommodate their ladyness obviously but let’s not be sexist here. Women can fly and fight too. Just random things I think about that maybe no one has dared to think about because George Lucas and Co are like unto Gods when it comes to this story and continuing saga.
stormtrooper_corps
Just some things to ponder my friends as some of you venture into the theaters (some again and again) to view unfolding stories and backstories. This may not have been the blog you were looking for in regards to ultimate knowledge on the Star Wars universe but…may the enjoyment be with you.
droids500-398
Interstellar peace.

Christmas Lego Blog

Good morning all readers!

Howdy. Hope Santa or Sinatra’s ghost left you with gifts or gift cards that you will enjoy.

If you hear my stomach grumbling it is probably because it is around noon and I only had toast earlier.

Presently I sit at ground zero for present opening. There is a plethora of Star Wars wrapping paper strewn about and an almost equal amount of Star Wars items: posters, alarms clocks, wall hangings and of course Lego Star Wars ships to go with Star Wars figurines. Now we are watching The Lego Movie where Will Ferrell’s character just brandished an Xacto knife to threaten Emmett.

Now let me pause and say for the record, I dislike the Lego shows and movies. I do not hate them or want to rant about them. I just dislike them and do not get the Lego animation craze. I understand it is geared towards kids but it limits the stories and animations. Granted the humor is still quasi-targeted at kids and adults but the Lego people ruin it for me. PSA over.

Once again Santa did visit me and left some gifts – not as many as he left young Ayden but still I got mine. Tomorrow is Monday…but that is inconsequential today. Today is Sunday The Christmas Day! Jesus and Frosty can share the front lawn in harmony in our neighborhood (cuz they actually do). Soon the after Christmas sales will commence and a zillion gift cards will be exhausted in short order but as for today, you can look around and enjoy the moment. Family, friends, food and overflowing trash cans. Tis the season and let the countdown to NEXT Christmas benign…er, begin!

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Will Ferrell Face! Aaaahhhhh!

Sorry still watching the Lego Movie.

Make your list, check it twice and let’s take a trip to the toy/game store!

If you got plain white socks today…bammo…that is the equivalent to getting coal in your stocking so perhaps you should revamp your behavior for next year. Just saying.

Have a great day. Peace…on Earth…yar! Pirates be likin Christmas too!

Ho Ho Ho!

Banana Split

OK so here we are in the year 2016. There are what seven Star Wars movies (officially)? The Chicago Cubs are baseball’s best team (by won-loss record). Heath Ledger played a gay cowboy and also arguably the best Joker (from the Batman movies) of all-time. A pothead swimmer is an Olympic hero for the United States. Most kids today treat their parents like dirt without repercussions due to societal fear of being deemed a child abuser. And I have never had a banana split ice cream dessert. How is all this possible? It boggles the mind!
banana
I cannot speak to most of the things in this above paragraph as they make no sense to me, but the banana split item goes like this: I have never ordered one or have had someone purchase one for me or have someone in my presence order one and offer me a bite, thus I’ve never had one. Crazy huh?
app
So as the other universal marvels unfold or existing apps are brought to light that accomplish the unthinkable, let’s deeply ponder on it! OK I give up. The YouTube Weird Al Yankovic playlist is keeping me entertained so I don’t really care.
dca
Peace it up!!

Memes say so much (Like Sad Songs)

sadsongs

Memes spelled backwards is semem which is really close in spelling to something gross to get on your hand or window blinds and phonetically sounding like a building material.

If you have a social media account or do not reside in Amish country, then you are probably quite familiar with memes. So for a lazy time today below are ten completely random memes:
george darth adopted-traffic-meme elf MK man-with-4-balls Mean-Girls-Meme-03 role models Freddy extremely nigh

Happy Hump Daaaaaaaay!

Peace.