With the whole world around me
I never feel more alone
A thousand screaming voices in my head
Just wont let me be
Why is it worse today
I’m miserable to the bone
Deep breath and close my eyes
When will I break free

I have no blood in me
Cut me and you will see
I’m sure I deserve the pain
Or maybe just another scar
The truth doesn’t even matter
Everyone chooses what to believe
Be the judge and jury
Ignore what was in my heart

When everything finally goes dark
I feel a little peace
Locked in my little room
Where no one can find me
Write me something nice
And fold it with a crease
If I come back and find it
Then I’ll have reason to breathe

Like a worthless stone
In a sea of selfish nothing
The water will wash over me
Everything above goes blurry
Go ahead, step on me
With your distaste and loathing
Nothing really changes
More time goes by quickly

One tiny ray of light above
Fights to been seen
Sometimes there is no light
And I wonder why it tries
Lying still waiting for dawn
What does it all mean
I’ll stay mute forever
And hurt you with no lies

Just one long sweet dream
Is all I want to come
But my mind just wont sleep
So I read the shadow shades
If this makes no sense
Now you can understand some
Back to the beginning
Following the fan blades



If you are reading this then you are most likely aware that I am a huge softball whore. Meaning I play quite a bit of softball. This is my 10th year playing ball and enjoy it greatly. Not saying I am the best softball player in the world. I am never the sexy choice. I am not six feet plus tall or naturally gifted like some people. However, I am a solid fundamental player and generally do not hot dog (Showboat) when I play. Humility I think is important in sports and softball is no different. The universe has a way of putting you in your place when you get too cocky so I play within my abilities and enjoy myself and spending social time with friends.

A little quirk I do when I play is something probably no one knows or has ever noticed. When I am walking out to play the field (infield or outfield) I generally take my hat off for a few seconds while I walk with my eyes closed. I just soak in the appreciation for being able to play a game I love and trusting my sub-six foot frame of 165 pounds (the BMI index still says I’m fat – screw you BMI!) to perform as I think it should. Luckily I have not have any really serious injuries in the 10 years I’ve played (concussion here and there aside). For a few hours on game days I can step onto the field and my bills don’t matter. My inner turmoil doesn’t matter. My job doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except trying to control a little yellow ball with a glove, a bat and an arm.

Here’s to hitting bombs and running catches. Cheers!

Happy hump Day Y’all.

Injury Report

Sometimes I like to take inventory after a softball weekend of what hurts. Here goes:

Head – Headache
Shoulder – right shoulder dull ache
Elbow – right elbow tightness, achy
Thumb – right thumb, smashed it
Thumb – left thumb, bone spur
Finger – jammed right middle finger
Palm – bone bruise right hand palm
Hamstrings – both, soreness
Ankle – sore right ankle, sprained previously
Toe – jammed right big toe

It must be late in the season as that is typically when I get beat to all h3ll. 🙂

Happy Monday everyone – work on your tan lines!

Peace out.



I think a high percentage of statistics are flawed in their origin or just made up. It might be a good idea to apply for a government grant to study this and come up with some definitive conclusions. I think almost 95% of the usable data will be collected while listening to Bruno Mars or Linkin Park and eating greasy food that is healthy for you but either slathered in unhealthy sauces or fried.

Uncle Sam write me a check please!

Happy Hump Day – PEACE OUT!

Child Abuse

Adrian Peterson

OK so putting on the oven mitts to tackle a current hot topic. High profile NFL athletes are on trial (figuratively and literally) in the public eye for social no-no’s. Ray Rice cold cocked his then girlfriend (now wife) and Adrian Peterson was suspended for whipping his 4 year old son.

The first one I have no defense for – you simply do not hit women (this my mama taught me). I don’t know what transpired in that elevator and it doesn’t even matter – spousal or significant other physical abuse is unacceptable. I’m sure you can Google a million memes making fun of the offense but its still just wrong.

On the second account, I don’t think its as cut and dry. If you go to a public place on any given day you are subject to other people’s children doing all sorts of heinous acts that make you shake your head and mutter things under your breath to the effect of why don’t that kid’s parents control him or her. Parents today are so hamstrung on discipline compared to just a generation ago. If you look at the discipline of parents who were in the formative years about 10-15 years ago versus now – the landscape is not even recognizable.

If you surveyed pre-millenium children who are now adults,  I think if you asked them (male, female it does not matter) if they had ever been spanked by their parent – I think a majority would say yes (and they deserved it). If you asked them if they ever had been smacked in the mouth for smarting off to mom or dad – again I think a high percentage would acknowledge that happened (and for good reason). Have they ever been beaten with an instrument of pain (switch, belt, paddle, wooden spoon, etc) and again I think the majority rule would be in effect again.

The point I’m making is that if today’s ultra-sensitive rules were in place back then- almost every parent would have a prison record. A secondary point is that discipline is needed in today’s society. Children today are progressing into early adulthood with no sense of responsibility or accountability. Mommy get me this. Mommy buy me that. I need that. I want that. Gimme gimme. I want. I need.

What recourse do parents have today? A myriad of endless pointless threats that the child knows are hollow as a plastic Jack O’Lantern on sale at the Halloween stores cropping up everywhere in anticipation of consumer support for ghouls day.

Unfortunately kids are smarter than they used to be. They learn from Dora and their I-Pads and apply that logic to everyday situations. Even if they push their luck in the grocery store and throw a fit, all that happens is mom pleads with them to stop or they will go home right now. Ooooh big threat that is not going to happen because the cart is half full and there is still milk to buy and the kiddos special snacks of course. Parents are even reluctant to threaten to spank the kids in public for fear of being overheard and some nosy busybody reporting them. Kids pick up on this and push the very limits of sanity knowing full well they can do that and worse with no repercussions. This breeds a society of entitled a-holes and jerks who eventually assume power in their late 20’s and cut jobs from big corporations in order to make the bottom line look good and entitle themselves to fat bonuses at the expense of the working class. OK this last part may or may not hold true but its not that far of a leap.

If you rewind 25-30 years when people openly whooped their ornery children’s butts and mom and dad worked 20-30 years at a single job – maybe that was the reason for more statble times. Again I am taking some liberties with the logical progression but there could be a correlation. 🙂

Back to Adrian Peterson now, Mega NFL star who was turned into the police for whipping his four year old son with a branch. Public opinion has been harsh coming down on him for hitting his young child. Let’s call time-out for a second. What was he punishing his son for? Was the punishment fitting or not? Had he promised this punishment to the boy and been defied? What are the lasting effects? As someone who is around a four year old boy on a daily basis I can attest to their propensitity to push the boundaries with open defiance in their eyes the whole time. Sometimes threatening to take away their I-Pad, XBOX1, TV privledges or whatever other super toys the son of a multi-millionaire is privy to probably just isn’t going to have an effect on their attitude to create mischief and insubordination.

Sometimes kids need a painful stimuli to make them respect their parents. Not everything can be rationalized with a child who isn’t even able to write a sentence by themselves yet. Correction and punishment is like everything in life. Its a learning process for them. If we don’t teach children that there are consequences (sometimes painful) then when they hit society they are blindsided when everything is not just a time-out for doing wrong. OK down off the soapbox.

Happy Tuesday. Peace Out.

Checking out my Spam


Here is something I found amusing today. I was getting ready to do my daily purge of my Yahoo mail. As usual before I do this I scan down the 3-4 dozen emails for anything that might have accidentally got shifted into there by mistake. Apaprently the spammers are gender blind or think I am a consumer who might pay it forward for someone of the opposite sex.

The typical offenders include: Burial Insurance quote, E.D. meds, Car Loan Approval, Refinance My Home (I rent btw), How to Lose Weight, Grow my Breasts Bigger! (um let’s not), Cheap Cable, Multiple Life Insurance quotes, GenieBra offer (hmmm), Playtex Sport Tampon free trial (again hmmm), (I am decidedly caucasian for better or worse) and several Pre-Approved VISA offers (with rates around 29.99% and credit limits up to $500.00 – woohoo!) and Call Now to Join the TransVaginal Mesh Lawsuit Group.

I check the box selecting ‘all’ and delete them categorically just like always. Never fear though, tomorrow they will all most certainly try again.

Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend – whether you want to or not! 🙂





So to my understanding everyone makes mistakes (although speaking to quite a few people I don’t think they would acknowledge this). In my mind I like to think back on things I deem mistakes in my life (yeah I’m weird). If I’m really bored I will micro-analyze today and then move on to bigger more recent fish and so on and so forth.

Today I did not pack enough food for breakfast / lunch mostly due to laziness. Getting dressed I chose the grey shirt instead of the blue shirt. In retrospect, getting out of bed and coming to work when my boss took the day off was a mistake (I could’ve worked from home and no one would have been the wiser).

In 1993 I took pity on an MLB franchise bathed in tragedy (see the Cleveland Indians) and made them my #1 rooting interest which seems like a lifetime of disappointment wrapped up in that decision.

When I was six I tried playing horseshoes with the real metal kind the grown-ups were using at a company picnic for one of my parents. I grooved my knee on the horseshoe post and still have the double scar to this day.

When I was four, I antagonized my older brother who was holding a broken brick (we were pretending it was a gun) and he proceeded to smack me in the head with it causing a laceration.

When I was sixteen and newly driving, I took my 1983 Chevy Chevette off the road in between two trees because I thought I knew how to drive on snow and ice.

Non-fatal mistakes have led me to this point in my life. What’s next?

Happy Hump Day to all.
Pace and peace.

New cubicle space


Recently the company I work for did a bunch of revamping (read outsourcing jobs to Manila). In this revamping, alot of good people lost their positions (jobs) to cheaper alternatives overseas. In the process and to a much lesser extent, I lost my window seat.

I know this seems really petty in relation to those who lost their livelihood but I really liked my previous seat. It was in front of a floor to ceiling window and at the end of the aisle so minimal foot traffic. Now I am in the middle of the row right behind my boss. That in itself is no big deal since I get along with my boss well. But being in the aisle with the printer, there is all sorts of people milling about like zombies listening for live bodies. I see their reflections in my computer screen. Standing back there. Slumped shoulders. Glassy eyed. Staring into nothing. Darn creepy. And annoying. Oh well.

Happy Hump Day.

Peace Out.zombie_e