So many things whirl around in my head. All the time. It’s like a non-stop vortex that’s not really there but yet always there. Round and round she goes, where she stops no one knows…
As usual I’m sure you are not completely following my gist and that is quite OK. Some days it is like two children with interlocked hands going rapidly in a circle. At first there are some giggles as the sensation is exhilarating and then as the speed increases and the awareness of potential harm rises…the laughter stops and they look for a safe way out.
…this is an excerpt from a story I have had in my head for a few months now. There are many things trapped inside my brain and the rate of release is far too slow for allow for a safe and slow stoppage it feels like most days.
From a very young age I turned introspective. This was mostly due to absent parents (who needed to work to support us), a mentally challenged older brother and very limited vocabulary dogs. Aside from school where I didn’t blend well with the majority of my classmates, I spent a great deal of time by myself. I taught myself my mechanically awful and yet at times beautiful softball swing. From the springboard of my Commodore 64, I learned by trial and error rough computer programming and an enjoyment of video games. Through punishments I dove into reading and used that as a vehicle to eclipse the time served as best as possible.
Fast forward to the here and now. At times I still feel like that 10 year old kid, banished to his room for youthful offenses, with so many thoughts and self-doubts ever present. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change my life the way it is now. What would be the point? The glass half empty mentality reasons: It could always be worse. Everyone has their own journey and baggage and inner sanctum.
With the last few grains of sand left in the August hour glass, about to flip over to September, I need to mentally look around 360 degrees. It has been a pretty good year for the most part. Yes, Kristi did injure herself and I had to say good bye to two amazing musical artists gone too soon but otherwise there have been more good days than bad days. I’ve gotten to make some new softball friends and on the wings of my two podcasts reach so many more people that I most likely never would have. For these things I am grateful, very grateful.
If, and some days that is the largest word in the English language, I can stay out of my own way, the days to come have so much potential. Self-doubt and self-sabotage typically do far more damage than external forces in my opinion and experiences. So if I can stay focused on my goals and the good things in my life, there will be even more good days to outweigh the negatives. A huge key to this plan is patience. Rome was not built in a day but it was finished on a day. I do not know if I will ever accomplish anything noteworthy or memorable but I vow to at least try…until my breath stops forever. To everyone around the globe who reads my blog or once read my blog, thank you. Truly.
Patience and peace.