So this is one of my favorite holidays. Maybe its the candy. Maybe its all the scary movies on TV. Maybe its the opportunity to morph into another persona. Maybe its the embracing of one’s own inner dark side.
I definitively do not know why I really enjoy Halloween so much but I do. There’s a chilly nip in the air and a nick on my thumb from carving pumpkins aka Jack O’ Lanterns. Softball season is nearly completed with just a Halloween themed costume tournament this weekend at The Wolffs Softball Haven and then a benefit tournament the following weekend.
On the little people level (children not midgets – no offense to midgets) this holiday is a free pass to run from door to door playing dress up and scream at strangers for candy while the parents stand there with an entitled expression on their faces – like give up the candy fools! All these Ninja Turtles, zombies and characters from the Disney movies (Frozen) will flood the streets and community centers for a few hours that will resemble the last 30 minutes of the movie Gremlins. Then poof they will return to their homes to evaluate their spoils while sitting in the aftermath of their costumes with smeared facepaint and carmel coated teeth while mom and dad are sprawled on the sofa with an arm draped over their eyes.
In the mid-range adolescent ages, there are some scary zombie hobos, clever takes on super heros and such. Note: My longtime childhood friend Matt’s daughter created a costume – Captain Obvious – her superpower is saving the world from the Unobvious. There may be a small glimmer of hope for the future generations.
Then you hit the last group – adults and quasi-adults. In this group all bets are off except that 75 of the female ‘costumes’ are just an excuse to reveal some portion of skin. Fish net leggings? Low cut tops? Booty hanging out? Yep I believe I saw all these things in the Charlie Brown – It’s The Great Pumpkin TV special. Definitively the sluttiest holiday of the year depending upon what you do for New Years I suppose. Not much neutral area – either Nun-ish or nothing to the costume.
So Trick or Treat my friends and enjoy those popcorn balls and questionable homemade peanut butter candies. Soon we shall be elbow deep in turkey, pumpkin pie and year end festivities.
Before I leave you on this topic, let me put this in your brain. On average how many people (children and drunk adults) do you think urinate on themselves between the hours of 4pm to 8pm in the United States on Halloween? How many kids under the age of ten step in gum or discarded partially eaten candy or vomit while Trick or Treating? And finally, how many adolescent and adult females are caused to pee the themselves due directly to scares on Halloween (haunted houses, scary pranks, etc) versus how many adolescent males and adult males are caused to pee themselves via these same means? Something to research for next year I suppose.
Spoooooky Peace Out.
(ahahahahahaha – Vincent Price laughter)
Happy last hours in October 2014 ever.