Went to the Huzzah Valley. This is my last report. Lol
Aside the from obvious homage paid to Papa Roach I am here to report on a weekend gone by that included bloodshed, sun, booze, fire, illegal substances, sweat, a redneck love-triangle and much much more!
The day began like just about any other muggy summery day with broken clouds and steadily rising temperatures. The Google Maps app route took us in a squiggly round-about way that reached the Huzzah Valley Resort main office in roughly an hour and half. Once our background checks, strip searches and mandatory debriefing sessions were completed, we were allowed to ‘check-in’ and use the restrooms to void excess bodily fluids. While waiting in line, I was molested by a taller, hairy individual but due to the shame I felt, I chose to just wave at Josh as opposed to reporting him. We completed the process and all four of us headed to our two designated campsites.
Down the road we turned right, noting the long slip’n’slide being setup for later festivities, and headed past a port-a-potty and dumpster towards the area designated Zoo II. Arriving at our designated sites, I noticed two things: we were the first of our group to arrive and there were no visible animals. Some Zoo.
My girlfriend Kristi and I assisted our friends in setting up their tent that could have probably housed Jay-Z’s entourage. As we surveyed the landscape around us, other individuals in our group started arriving and with it our ‘borrowed’ tent so we could set up ourselves. We had been noticing some of the adjacent campers milling about and heading towards the river which was about 150 feet directly behind us. Once setup was completed we sent an exploratory group to check out the river and best route to arrive there. After rejecting a muddy downward slide of a path, we decided upon a sandy stair-step path to the river. A couple of small other groups were in the vicinity but still there was plenty of room on the river for our group. So we back tracked to the camp and put on our swim suits and appropriate footwear, grabbed some coolers full of beer, and marched back to the river.
The spot on the river we were utilizing was naturally a concavity. We walked down the bank about 10-12 feet to the river bed and the spot was about 120 feet from bank to bank with half of it water and the other half sand and gravel. After being in our spot for about 30-40 minutes, socializing and playing some modified Frisbee, we collectively couldn’t help but notice a campsite along the top of the bank from where we walked down. The attention was initially drawn to them because one of the camper’s trucks horn would intermittently blare. Then an obviously intoxicated male started trying to fight another male but that was quickly broken up. Some time thereafter the drunken male was up in the face of a female. This situation tensely went on for a few minutes with the other occupants of the campsite not interceding. Finally the drunken male lost his balance and toppled to the ground. At this point, I think everyone in my group had lost interest and began to pick up their conversations and enjoy the river again.
But wait! Drunken male got up and made a mad dash for the river. He got to the edge of the river bank and half jumped, half tripped causing him to plummet down to the shallow water and waiting log below. This is where I will ask you to have young children and the squeamish leave the room. The drunken male floundered for a second or two then came to rest face up in a shallow side pool of the river. Katie from our group went to investigate the drunken victim – not anyone from the guy’s group mind you – but Katie from our group. She pulled him to a more shallow area to check his injuries. My girlfriend, who is studying nursing, also went over to assist and assess. Somewhere in the dive and flop process, Mr Drunken Hot Mess who was already shirtless somehow lost his swim trunks. Those of you familiar with the male form unclothed can draw your own mental picture, granted the water was cold and this guy was hung like an acorn. So with our group ringing the fallen drunk and his friends still up on the bank looking down with obvious disinterest, our people started yelling up to them to please bring down a pair of shorts for this man. It only took about 10 minutes for them to finally leave the camp area and descend with the shorts to cover his business.
Someone in the camp must have realized the gravity of the situation and called for emergency response to tend to his injuries. Personnel from the Huzzah Valley Resort arrived but did not get hands on with the victim but only observed until the ambulance team arrived. In the meantime, it got to be Jerry Springer time. Turns out the jumper was upset with his girlfriend, who was up on bank but did not come down to the his side, because she was allegedly sleeping with his twin brother. Eventually the ambulance team arrived and trekked down the embankment to place the drunken jumper on a backboard and hoist him up into the ambulance. Note: It was later purported that Mr Drunken Jumper refused medical attention and was taken to jail for public intoxication.
With the light starting to fail, we headed back to camp for food and several hours of a drinking game called Flip Cup (I did not participate because I hate playing Flip Cup). On this (Friday) night we were the semi-rowdy campsite. The night carried on and eventually everyone went to sleep in their corresponding tents.
The next morning arrived and it was time to prep for our float! Naturally there were swimming suits and sun screen applied and coolers packed for the half day excursion forthcoming. The buses arrived and we managed to all board the correct bus and head to our drop off spot. Once there we grouped up (there was 20+ in our group) and took multiple rafts onto the river. Alicia (God love her) was first to oops, plunge and get soaked in the chilly waters.
Floating is not an exact science but it’s not rocket science either. Some like to hang out in the raft, some like to walk in front or behind the raft, some like to hang out in an inner tube and some like to swim. There really is no right or wrong way to do it. Periodically the group stops on sandbars and drinks or eats or both. A fun component to this is the people watching. You see people of all ages and races enjoying the river. Some rafting and others in canoes drifting by with music playing nearby. It’s a great way to enjoy the outdoors as long as you don’t have social anxiety. Social! Take a drink!
This is the first year in awhile that the river was elevated (due to recent consistent rains) so the floating experience was more enjoyable as the rafts did not have to be dragged as much through necessity. My pal Becca’s boyfriend, Mr. Urfer, still chose to get in some cardio and upper body workout by guiding the floating party in the forward position. Mr. B, which is Becca’s cat, would have been very impressed had he been somehow forced to join the floating party in a protective water-tight but oxygen-fed bubble with food.
On the river there was very little drama and it was nice. Of course there were still antics that are associated with most float trips: accidental nudity, not so accidental nudity, drinking, excessive drinking, water sports (football anyone?), dunking, smoking, ‘smoking’, falling, laughing, injuries (ouch Madie!), tanning, swimming, kissing, squirting (with squirt gun type devices), people watching and other shades of gray.
As with all good things, the floating portion came to an end and we were rounded up and rode the bus back to the campsite. There some of us replenished our supply of beer and headed back to our section of river. This time there was no drunken jumper hi-jinx. After a couple of hours there, we headed back to camp for food and to chill.
After retiring for the night on Saturday to our tent, the campsite adjacent which was relatively calm and mostly quiet the night before was a ruckus of laughter and activity. Later, it was reported that the site next to us had some persons who were partaking in illegal substances ingested through the nasal orafice.
My takeaways from the weekend were a slight irregular sunburn and a general sense of a good time. Camping and floating with friends is my idea of a good time. Granted not everyone in the group of two dozen people is my ideal BFF but still a fun group. The weather was hot and muggy and the beer was cold and the food was delicious. Hundreds of people pee’d in the river and around the campsites but aint that what it’s all about? OK not entirely I hope.
Happy Belated Birthday to Becca as that was the central reason for the float in the first place – also an honorable mention to my girlfriend as her birthday was earlier in the week too.
Happy Birthday today to Daniel Jacob Radcliffe aka Harry Potter who is a ripe old 26 today.
Have a great post Hump Day everyone!
P.S. I just found out that the band Disturbed has a new album coming out August 21st!! Small happy dance.
(Disturbed New Album!!!)