Good morning to the United Kingdom

In reviewing my reader stats, it breaks down what countries the readers are from based on IP addresses I would imagine. The United States far and away is responsible for the bulk of my readership. Usually each month the next country up is the UK (United Kingdom). Sometimes Canada, Mexico or Australia will sneak into that second spot, but for the majority of the time that number two slot is occupied by the UK.

Why am I so focused on the UK this morning? Well, I was curious as to how to say good morning to those good people of the UK since they are also English speaking individuals for the most part. In the US I can say good morning and it covers most of the 50 states with perhaps the exception of some small parts of Texas and Florida (Buenos Dias!) With an ocean and roughly 4,000 miles separating me from those virtual readers in the UK, I wanted to customize a greeting that would translate into their normal every day morning. So after much research, it appears I can tell the readers in the United Kingdom ‘good morning’ by saying: Good morning. Hmmm. Kind of a letdown on that one. I was expecting something cheeky involving ox tails or quips about parrot chirps on a branch or something of the sort. Good morning.  (sigh) Oh well, at least nothing will be lost in the translation.

Please Friday responsibly and let me know if you did something extraordinary with your week!



Friends: Season 7 Episode 8 – Name All 50 States

In watching the series Friends on Netflix, I came across the episode where Chandler doesn’t like dogs. The alternate action running concurrently in this episode is a challenge to name all 50 states in six minutes. My brain said: Challenge Accepted! So to test my knowledge, I entered the following entries into an Excel spreadsheet. While I didn’t match Joey’s 56 total states, I did notch 44 in the time allowed. The six states in bold and in maroon are the ones I forgot. The mental exercise made me feel a little stupid to say the least.


New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
West Virginia

Have a spiffy day!



Hump Day Alphabet Soup

Some days we just have ‘those days’. Ya know what I mean?

Take today for example. For some reason the universe gave me the letters: C R B. I’ve had much worse, trust me. But when the universe speaks to you in the rich, powerful voice of James Earl Jones, you roll with it.

So with C R B already in the hopper and with it left completely up to me to provide the vowel or vowels, I will choose to curb my enthusiasm for the moment. I could crab about the humidity and how it makes my hair all frizzy and puffy. In my snack bag there were some carb options and I’m eating those with vigor. If there was a man-sized crib nearby, I would gladly hop in for a mid-morning nap. Rest assured I will not wear a crop top and expose my fish-belly whiteness. Wait, that was a P not a B. That’s no Bueno. For my final word usage in the C R B format, where the rules clearly state that you may not scramble these consonants and the first and last consonants must remain in their current order, I was going to cleverly throw out descriptions of a certain corb within my office building. But then that would probably entail me explaining the second, lesser known, definition of corb or run the risk of confusing people who are highly acquainted with the primary definition of corb, so scratch that.

To each and every one out there, I mildly implore you to take what each day gives you and make the best of it and if necessary, stretch the boundaries to make that little something extra happen.


** Please note that Webster’s Dictionary recognizes the existence of the word known as ‘corb’. However, does not. (shoulder shrug)


Sunken Ships and Parts Unknown

Good day! At least I’m pretty sure that’s what I meant as an intro. Forgive me as I am mentally running on just a few hours of sleep after a long night in the Cardinal Glennon (Children’s Hospital) ER to have Ayden’s broken arm ‘fixed’.

For some reason, I honestly do not remember at this point, I started thinking about ships underwater. Again I have no clue where the concept sprung from in my brain. So I did a Google search for “sunken ships”. For those who do not know me, I like to Google things I do not know much about or just to expand my current knowledge/ view point of said subject matter. The image search provided many cool and eerie pictures, some obviously from video games.

From there I started wondering, in this day and age of GPS and tracking devices, how many ships annually sink? Another Google search yielded a guess-timate: ‘an estimate of two dozen large ships sink or go missing ever year’ per Common causes for these ships to sink or completely disappear are but not limited to: severe weather, hull integrity, fire, collisions, running aground, attacks and intentional sinking (for man-made reefs or related purposes). In my estimation, pretty interesting stuff to digest.

Next I wanted to know an estimate of how many ships worldwide (from this Earth) have been sunk? According to UNESCO, there are an estimated 3,000,000 sunken ships in the oceans dating back 10,000 years. At this point, the Bermuda Triangle idea fell on me like a paper towel soaked in warm mayonnaise. Naturally I searched for the Bermuda Triangle (BT). But my first search was aimed at geography to see where it was actually located; I found out that the Bermuda Triangle stretches from Florida to Puerto Rico to (of course) Bermuda. The triangle is about 500,000 square miles. This numerical figure made me look up a quote attributed to Tom Hank’s character, Chuck Noland, from the movie Castaway.

Chuck Noland: That’s a search area of 500,000 square miles. That’s twice the size of Texas. They may never find us.

The Google information about the Bermuda Triangle, in addition to the countless planes that have disappeared, states that some 300 plus vessels have disappeared in the BT. So if you take the 500,000 square miles on the surface and factor in that parts of the BT are 3-5 miles deep…you can see why finding a plane or a ship would be like guessing the correct Powerball numbers combo to win the jackpot.

With this information now at tips of your brain synapses for your next social gathering, I bid you a fine tomorrow. Because of course, tomorrow is another day!

Peace…and slap-happiness to all!



On-line shopping

Sometimes when I get a little bored and have a few extra dollars to spend, I peruse on-line shopping websites such as Amazon, Ebay and to a lesser extent Facebook and Craigslist. The latter two I have had mostly negative experiences; either from trying to my sell my items or trying to purchase items that turned out to be damaged or not accurately portrayed in their descriptions or their pictures. 

But the other two shopping choices (Amazon and Ebay), I have had mostly positive experiences. In my opinion, I think this is because these two websites offer some sort of buyer protection that the former two really do not (except social media vigilante justice enforcement (jokingly kidding)). An aspect of Ebay and Amazon that can addict the buyer a bit is ‘suggested’ items based on the items you searched or bought. Looking at a PS4? How about these PS4 games? Or how about a classic Nintendo 64 system? Or a Super Mario inflatable costume for Halloween? Or a Freddy Krueger talking Frisbee? The purchasing possibilities are endless! 

Recently I purchased a replica 1984 WWF Hulk Hogan title belt (not the real deal but still nifty!), the first seasons of Game of Thrones (DVD not Blu-ray) and a couple Linkin Park CD’s. This buying activity occurred while I was looking for…actually I don’t remember what I was looking for. But it doesn’t matter because every once in a while you just need to mindlessly blow off some financial steam with a completely un-necessary purchase to support our free commerce system. 

Hopefully everyone is enjoying their Monday and avoiding drama and controversy. If you are interested in controversy and shenanigans, please Google search my podcast using the search terms: ‘podbean’ and ‘the freak show’. As usual you can find me on Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. 

Have a Monday that compares to the greatest Mondays of all-time!! #GOATMonday



Make that joke

Sometimes what a situation needs is a joke. Standing next to the casket and the deceased is smiling. A thought steals across your brain. This guy is smiling because he doesn’t have to deal with Facebook anymore! Bwahaha.

Inappropriate humor is my strong suit. Grossly inappropriate humor at that. I cannot help myself. I think wicked and clever things (at least in my mind). Luckily I have learned to suppress expressing these thoughts aloud or in writing to not offend the overly religious, elderly, ugly, family oriented, short, tall, disabled, racially different, snooty, Hoosiery and easily butthurt individuals. Most days the thoughts discarded are enough to make my tongue bleed from biting it lest the evil, evil words be loosed upon humanity. OK truth be told I think a lot of stupid things that make me giggle and most people would just cock their heads sideways and say “Huh?” As long as I am amused, it doesn’t matter what other people think! This is a mantra I have embraced for years. Occasionally a warped soul will endear themselves to me and I will loop them in on something I am thinking to test the waters. If they laugh or high-five me, they are granted access to the inner circle…if they make a face opposite of a smile or stare blankly, I quickly change the subject or flee the vicinity. My friend Mel is one of the few people who have been granted inner circle VIP status. We love pets and value them more than most people. I am always on the lookout for a few good people who know sarcasm and how to practice its dark arts.

So as you traverse the precious few days remaining in September 2017, I bid you adieu, to you and you and you. The hills are alive with the sound of haters. So maybe TuPac’s ghost will come down from his secret mansion and fart in your mouth while you sleep if you are a non-believer of the sarcasm. This is a powerful religion and all those who embrace it, will be given everlasting entertainment. Can I get an amen or at least some Top Ramen?


Odd Bucket List Stuff

Good morning and a most pleasant Friday to you!

 Today we are talking about bucket list stuff or at least one item on my bucket list. Some people want to swim with the dolphins (or sharks), some want to run a marathon, some want to meet movie stars, some want to jump out of an airplane, some want to get their 15 minutes of fame, and so on and so forth. For me, there are many things on this virtual list. One of them is that I want to travel to Tehachapi, California and see all those wind turbines!

 I’m sensing I may have caused quite a few people to blink several times at reading that last sentence. Do not adjust your eyes or over-think what I said. Yes it may not sound all that much of a thrill-seeking or death defying event but seeing about 5,000 wind turbines would be pretty neat. And as a bonus, visiting the Tehachapi Pass Wind Farm in Tahachapi, California would accomplish a second thing on my bucket list: visiting California. Just so you know, every single time I read, write or say the word California, I hear in my head former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger say: Collie-Four-Knee-Uh.

 OK so where did this weird desire to travel west and see these wind turbines spring from? Oddly enough, I think from the 80’s movie Karate Kid. A tale about a Jersey kid being moved to the left coast as his mother pursues a new career and a new life. Ralph Macchio, as Daniel Larusso, embodies an awkward, dorky loser who leverages the karate teachings of his friend and mentor Mr. Miyagi (may he rest in peace) to overcome the bullies and win the fair maiden! During the opening minutes of the movie, while he and his mother are driving to their new home, I swear there is a scene where the backdrop is the Tehachapi Pass wind turbines…or it could’ve come from Beverly Hills Cop. I’m not 100% sure as it was more than 30 years ago. Gawd, that hurt to type that. How is Karate Kid (the original) more than 30 years old? These are the end times my friends!

 Regardless of the genesis of the wind turbines fascination, I would like to check them out and stay nearby for like a whole week. A Collie-Four-Knee-Uh vacation would be delightful and if those darn Powerball numbers would stop being so elusive, I could make this happen!

 Before I forget, happy first day of Autumn! The 2017 version of summer has exited stage left. But left behind as a curtain call (not the Eminem album) is summer-like heat here in the Midwest. It is supposed to be in the mid-90’s today temperature-wise. Too bad all the pools closed weeks ago. Bummer dude.

 To everyone who has diligently and faithfully been my reader, thank you. Hopefully there is now and always will be some content for you to enjoy. Have a great weekend and Go Tribe!!



Kluber vs. Sale – An American League CY Young Discussion

Happy Spiffy Goodish Day!

First off, obviously I am a bit biased as I am a Cleveland Indians fan AND I dislike the Boston Red Sox. Throw into the mix that Chris Sale came from the Chicago White Sox, a hated AL Central Division foe, and the appearance of my bias solidifies even more. To a certain extent I cannot deny these allegations. But for the record, I can see and argue a case for both pitchers. Now, let the nitpicking contest begin!

Both have had dominant seasons. Kluber’s season has a small caveat in that he missed three weeks in May with a DL (Disabled List) stint. Some could argue that the ‘time off’ has helped him recharge, whereas Chris Sale has not missed a single start this season. But even so, their stat-lines are very comparable. Presently Kluber is about 40 strikeouts behind Sale but his other numbers are relative to Sale’s (lower) in: walks allowed and runs allowed in about 19 less innings. They both boast 17 personal victories and for their respective teams, the team winning percentage is above .700 in games in which they start. Sale had slightly more run support in his starts (5.6 vs 5.2) but like I said, at this point it’s just nitpicking.

If we look at the stretch run of August and September, Kluber is 9-1 (team 9-1) and only had one game where he allowed 3 runs (or more) and walked more than one batter (the only game he lost, 3 ER 2 BB). For Sale in August and September, he is 4-3 (team 7-3). He had five games of 3 or more runs allowed and four games where he walked multiple batters. Even so, this is not horrible for Sale’s case within the context of his 2017 body of work. If we annex the month of July to try to illuminate an argument one way or the other for the two pitchers, Sale was 3-1 (team 3-2). But in the games he pitched, he only allowed runs (4) in one of those five starts covering 34 2/3 innings (the bullpen did give up some runs after he left). In Kluber’s five July starts, he was 1-1 (team 2-3) and did not post any shutout games. He allowed only one run in three of those starts but did not receive much support until his last two starts in July.

During the season, both pitchers suffered losses by the count of 1-0 when their respective teams did not score. Sale’s longest personal winning streak in-season was 7 games. Kluber’s was/is five as of today including his current streak. Kluber also had another five game winning streak from July to August. Similar in each losing a 1-0 contest, both pitchers had their shortest outing of the year only last three innings. Both pitchers pitch for first place teams and are their respective team’s aces. One is left handed and one is right handed. With each pitcher probably only making two more starts in the regular season, how will this race finish out?

If you want to crunch and munch some numbers, I’ve attached a spreadsheet of some vital stats (in my opinion). Whether you are a baseball fan or not, hopefully you at least found the post and arguments contained herewith to be somewhat interesting.

Obviously I would like my guy (Klubot) to win but I honestly would not be terribly upset if Sale would take the crown. I would much prefer Sale to capture the Cy Young Award but Kluber and the Indians to capture the World Series title!

#GoTribe #Believeland #ChiefWahoo #CartoonIndiansForever #HeIsSmilingOnMyHat #ScrewYouRobManfred


Kluber-Sale Comparision 09212017


Flu Shots

Hello! Is it me you’re looking for?

Why yes, Lionel Richie I have been looking for you. But to quote the band U2, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.

With some silly shenanigans dispensed with, let’s talk about flu shots. Do you get them? How many times have you gotten them? Do you look down on people who do not get them? Are you secretly organizing a movement to ostracize people who do not get the flu shot (free or otherwise)? Let’s put all of our Uno cards on the table and make this interesting.

The reason I bring flu shots up is because my work is offering free flu shots. Actually in recent years, most of my employers have either offered a free flu shot or a reduced cost version to their employees on site. To date, I have never accepted this offer of mass produced safeguard. Why is that? My stock response: what for? Last time I have checked, I have been in existence (this time around) for 4.5 decades. As of today, zero flu shots for me. And to my recollection, I have not died. More to the point, in recent years I have rarely contracted the flu; even though it seems like everyone around me usually does – even the ones who get said flu shot. That is interesting don’t you think?

I mention this because it seems like every year when the flu shots are made available and peers ask if I’m getting one and I respond that I am not, they look at me like I just said “Madonna should really run for president of the United States next time around”. The only thing I could think to do to up the perplexed look factor for other would be to write on my hand, “Need a beef Jolly Rancher flavor” and repeatedly point to my hand. The disbelief and condescension in those looks is priceless when I acknowledge declining the Holy Grail of wellness maintenance. What? I don’t want this tiny injection of mystery goo that may or may not work with my immune system? Oh the madness! My ignorance! Somewhere the Umbrella Corporation powers that be are chuckling evilly and slowly rubbing their virtual palms together.

Now if there was an anti-Noro Virus shot…I would be first in line for that every time. That affliction was uber-nasty and I would never like to experience that again. But for the most part, me and the flu, we don’t really have too many issues. Also if there was a shot to prevent a season’s worth of headaches, I would do that one too. But for now, someone else is welcome to take my dose of the T-virus, uh I mean flu shot for me.

Is it just me or does it seem like flu shots seem to fall into ‘that’ category along with talking politics or religion? If you don’t want to offend some, you just don’t do it (talk about it). So I will take my own advice henceforth and not talk about Flu Shot Fight Club. I think if my life was made into a movie, Hollywood would cast SpongeBob to play me. Aim high! Who plays softball all over the sea: SpongeScott Square Pants! Who is cool and amusing as can be: SpongeScott Square Pants!

Hope everyone out there is having a stress-free Thursday and let’s all convene soon to discuss multi-level marketing as a basis for ill-gotten wealth.




Good morning!

For clarification, if needed, I am stating that I writing this post about the book/movie It – as in Stephen King’s It and not IT which is an abbreviation for Information Technology. Although I do imagine once or twice in his lifetime, Stephen King probably needed some sort of IT support and that could be construed as Stephen King’s IT. But I digress.

Stephen King is credited with having 59 of his books published. There are a few revisions of his earlier books that were republished and The Green Mile was initially published in six parts or mini-books and then published as one complete book. However you want to dice it up, the man has published 50+ unique books which is quite remarkable. Of those fifty plus books, I have read twenty. Of those twenty, eight were focused on The Dark Tower series and they were far and away my favorites of his that I read. Of the rest that I read, I really enjoyed The Eyes of the Dragon and Needful Things. The remainder were good but as is the norm with Stephen King, you can ask him what time it is and he will tell you how to build a clock. My meaning is that sometimes you don’t need forty-five words to describe something that could just as easily been said in ten. The one caveat to me liking all of his works is that I did not like Gerard’s Game. I mention this because I heard from Kristi’s aunt that Hollywood has made this book into a movie as well. Meh. The last physical book of Stephen King’s that I read was The Dark Tower: The Wind through the Keyhole (April 2012). Presently my girlfriend has a trio of his books on the shelf to read in the Finders Keepers series (Bill Hodges Trilogy?) but I have no real desire to read them.

With the lead up out of the way, let’s proceed. Sequentially, the thirteenth book written by Mr. King is titled: It. According to the inter-web, It was published in September 1986 and subsequently there was a movie produced in 1990, both featuring a demonic clown.

I am not here to give away spoilers or crucial plot points in case you plan on seeing the original movie or part one of the remake that is in theaters presently. Really I am just here to note that for the first time in my life, I saw the original It movie from the Amazon on Demand streaming service about week and a half ago. The book crawled out of the sewers in 1986, the movie in 1990; I’m just now seeing It. Back when I used to read a lot, I didn’t read the book. Upon hearing the synopsis, I had no interest in a scary clown tale. On a completely unrelated note, there is a movie called Vulgar from 2002 that also features a clown…but this movie is scary for completely different reasons.

OK steering back on topic. Why did I finally see this movie? Well because Kristi and Ayden wanted to watch it and I was like: Why the heck not? The original movie is two parts put together, so do not be surprised when the running time is well over three hours. This past Saturday night, Kristi, myself, her aunt and the lead singer for The Nightmare: An Alice Cooper Experience (see Facebook), went to go see Chapter One of the remake at the movie theater in Arnold, Missouri. It (the movie) was pretty good. Some scenes were a bit gorier than the original but the filmmakers made a few slight creative alterations to the original that kept my interest level peaked. If you like scary type stuff I would recommend It (the movie remake) whether you have seen the original or not.

On a personal note, I really love movies from the 80’s. It does not matter to me if they were movies actually made in the 80’s or just movies redone and set in the 80’s (see The Wedding Singer, Take Me Home Tonight, etc.). I’m guessing it’s the nostalgia factor or something but I find them amusing, even for some of the movies where the acting is awesomely bad. OK this PSA for 80’s movies is done.

Have a spectacularly tubular and Mondo day!